Ohhh Kyyyylllleee
by soda-denial
Summary: Onesided Kenny/Kyle. A handheld back massager and a great idea leads to more being exposed than they would have wanted.


**Disclaimer** : I own nothing portrayed in this fic, mainly due to my poorness.

**Characters** : Stan, Kyle, Kenny

**Warnings** : Male/Male, crackish.

* * *

**Ohhh... Kyyyylllleee...**

It had all started as a simple prank.

Kyle and Stan had gone to Wal-Mart one day and saw some electronic massagers. They each picked one up and turned it on by flicking the small switch on the bottom. Instantly, the massage-thing began to vibrate. Kyle almost dropped his in surprise.

Stan glanced up at Kyle. "Heh . . . Just think about what people do with these!" he said, laughing. This time, Kyle did drop his, letting out a small "ew" as it fell to the ground, with a loud clatter. A sales associate poked her head around the corner and gave them a dirty look. Kyle, whose face was quite red, picked it up off the floor.

"That's sick, Stan," he mumbled, putting his back on the shelf. Stan just laughed. Stan glanced around. It was surprisingly empty in that store, considering it was a Saturday. Stan smiled at Kyle, and they began to explore the other great mysteries of the Wal-Mart . . . like the food isle. Stan clutched the massager in his hand, slowly picking away at the plastic string that kept the bar-code on the item.

He finally got the irritating thing off and tossed it behind a bag of chips. Stan then glanced around for cameras, sales associates, or suspicious looking shoppers (A/N: You know, like secret shoppers...). Seeing none, he jammed the device into his bag and grinned at Kyle.

The Jewish boy was staring at Stan, not because he was in the process of stealing something, but because he was stealing such an . . . awkward object. Stan shrugged then gave Kyle a suggestive look. That simple action made the younger one's face turn bright pink and caused him to say nothing.

A few minutes later, Kyle and Stan left the store. They munched on the chips that Kyle had bought, so it didn't seem as suspicious as if they had gone in and out and bought nothing. They headed back to Kyle's house and ran up to his room.

Kyle opened the door to his neat and tidy room, and found Kenny asleep on his bed. A note was taped to his forehead. It read: "Dear Kyle (and presumably Stan), I'm really tired. My mom and dad were up all night arguing, so don't wake me up. -Kenny. ps- I snuck in your window, so your mom doesn't know I'm here."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other. They were both wondering how long Kenny had been there for. They also wondered how he put up with his parents fighting all the time. It seemed like everyday they found him sleeping one place or another, usually with a note telling them not to wake him up. It was strange though; he usually turned up at Stan's house.

Kyle sighed and plopped down on his computer chair, which left Stan with the floor. "So, what do you wanna do then?" Kyle whispered. Stan shrugged. He pulled the massager out of his bag and began to fiddle with it.

He turned it on, and the vibration began. Stan showed Kyle a toothy grin as a bright idea managed to grace his mind. Kyle began to get nervous. Whenever Stan got that look on his face something bad usually happened. Not as bad as something that would happen if Cartman was there, but still something quite bad.

"I got a funny idea," was all Stan said. Kyle blinked in a way that asked "What?" Stan's grin widened. He pointed at Kenny, then looked down at the vibrating machine in his hands. Kyle's eyes widened.

He almost laughed but caught himself. He knew he shouldn't condone to Stan's purely juvenile behavior, yet he knew it would be hilarious. So Kyle chose not to protest, he just matched Stan's shit-eating grin.

Stan was almost giggling when he lightly placed the massage device onto Kenny's midriff. The sleeping boy made a strange groaning noise, and rolled over, causing it to fall off. Stan frowned a tiny bit and pushed the vibrating... thing back over, to a point where it was touching Kenny once more. Said boy moaned this time.

Stan realized where the massager was exactly and his face turned slightly pink. "This wouldn't count as . . . anything, as long as it's a prank, right?" he asked Kyle. Kyle's face matched the color of Stan's and he shrugged.

"I-I don't know . . ." he managed to squeak out before Kenny let out another rather awkward moan. They sat in awed silence while Kenny made little pleasured noises.

A moment later, Stan was about to reach over and take it away, but he stopped when he heard Kenny moan a certain name. "Kyyllleee . . ." he groaned.

Kyle's face turned bright red. "What!?" he screeched in the quietest voice he could manage. Stan was frowning in a rather confused way. Kenny said it again and Kyle's face went brighter red.

Stan was mad at this point. He was about to rip the massager away from Kenny, but didn't. Instead, he sat down on the bed. Kyle was very confused to what his best friend was doing. Stan pulled out his phone and started making a video. Kyle tackled him.

"Don't do that!" he yelled pushing Stan off of Kenny. They landed in a heap on the floor. Stan shoved Kyle off of him and frowned.

"Why not? It's perfect blackmail!" Stan exclaimed.

"No it's not! That's mean!" Kyle retorted. Stan sent him a confused look, so Kyle took a moment to elaborate. "What if you liked someone, or . . . you didn't even have to like them, you could just find them . . . oddly attractive, and you had a really, really good dream about them. Would you seriously want them to know about it, and be able to use it to torture against you?"

Stan sighed. "Fine. But, if Kenny does something annoying that we don't like in the next while, and I'm unable to stop him from doing whatever it is, then it's your fault."

"Fine, I can learn to accept that some things in life may be my fault," Kyle said, a smirk on his face. "Besides, wouldn't you much rather have something on Cartman?"

Stan laughed. "You've got a point!" he said, loudly.

"And anyways, I kinda like Kenny," Kyle admitted.

"WHAT?!" Stan yelled out. "What kind of like?!"

"Don't worry; I like you more! But, out of anyone else, I'd choose Kenny . . ." Kyle said, looking down.

Stan shrugged. "Yeah, me too," he told Kyle patting his shoulder. Kyle grinned.

They heard a small groan coming from behind them. Stan and Kyle noticed it wasn't a 'good dream' groan, but it was a 'just about to wake up' groan. Their eyes widened and they booked it right out of the room.

They ran all the way to Stan's house before stopping. When they got there, they burst out laughing, just because.

Kenny rolled over a wide grin on his face. He turned off the massager. He knew that Stan and Kyle were not gay, which led to him knowing that they valued his friendship much more than anyone else's at this point. He fell back asleep, the grin remaining in its rightful place, lightly floating on his features.

* * *

KILL ME. (It's platonic!)

Well, I said this was inspired by true events, and I actually have one of those massager things. My friend told me to put it in my brother's bed, and thus, this story was born. No, I lied. I came up with this idea before she said that. My other friend got me the massager the same way Stan got it though...

But you wanna know what I do with mine? I press it against people's butts when they walk by me.

-Taryn


End file.
